Sanity Notes #036: The risks of owning my enoughness
How I am learning to take responsibility for my life, relationships, and happiness
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I spent a plane ride back from Europe this week binging the Netflix show Sprint. As a coach, there was a lot that stood out for me. One thing that particularly struck me was the determination of certain athletes to hold themselves with unconditional positive regard and belief. I’ve always found this difficult. I think part of the reason is that I carry patterns from childhood — patterns that have led me to believe, at times, that I’m not enough.
As I learn to own my power and embrace my enoughness, I notice it comes with a risk. You see, for me, holding on to the belief that I’m not enough provides a subtle permission to fail, which can be comforting. For someone who also wrestles with perfectionism and the need to perform to be loved, believing in my inherent flaws creates an unconscious escape from responsibility.
If I’m flawed, I don’t have to take full accountability for my actions or outcomes. This can be a deeply ingrained comfort.
But as an adult, I am stepping into my power and owning my enoughness. That means taking responsibility — for the fullness of my life, for my relationships, and for my actions. My relationship with my children? My responsibility. My relationship with my wife? My responsibility. My relationship with my own happiness? My responsibility. And my relationships with my clients? Again, my responsibility.
My coach, Jerry, used to ask me a powerful question: How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I despise? When I fail to take full responsibility for these elements of my life, I am complicit. Being an adult means fully owning our experiences, actions, and relationships. It requires letting go of patterns that give us a pass, that let us off the hook. It also means giving up our victimhood — the stories we tell ourselves about what happened to us, or how others behave, that stand in the way of our happiness or success.
If you’re on a similar journey of stepping into adulthood, you can start by asking yourself:
Where am I telling myself that someone else’s actions or behavior are standing in the way of my happiness or success?
How am I complicit in creating the conditions that are causing me pain or blocking my progress?
Join me on this journey into adulthood. Into owning our own enoughness and taking responsibility for the conditions that make up our lives.
Looking for some support? If now is the time to consider coaching (or a CEO peer circle) reach out here.
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With love from LA,
Matt
Looking for some support? If now is the time to consider coaching (or a CEO peer circle) reach out here.
