Sanity Notes #027 — The power of ‘we’
Next time you feel stuck wondering how you’ll figuring out, try asking how ‘we’ will figure it out.
Looking for some support? If now is the time to consider coaching (or a CEO peer circle) reach out here.
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Barbers have barbers, doctors have doctors, therapists have therapists, and coaches have coaches. I met with my coach today. Midway through our session, he reminded me of a simple yet powerful prompt.
I was feeling stuck in a problem. I looked my coach in the eye and said, “I don’t know what to do.”
I often tell prospective clients that the value of a coaching partnership increases exponentially over time. In this case, since my coach and I have worked together for a decade, he knows one of the most distinct belief patterns I carry is, “No matter what I do, ultimately, I am alone.”
This is a pattern many of us founder/leader types carry, having for one reason or another, learned in childhood it is all up to us. (You can read more about my take on ‘early promotions’ in my piece on founder burnout here.) In my case, I grew up in a family where addiction was present and where I was sometimes left to fend for myself. As a result, I learned a self-reliance that is part superpower part liability.
Today, my coach skillfully probed the belief I was holding.
Right after I said, “I don’t know what to do,” he held my gaze and asked, “What if you replace the ‘I’ with a ‘we’? Instead of what should ‘I’ do, what if you ask, “What should ‘we’ do”?
His skillful question reminded me that I am not alone in whatever challenge I face.
Whether the challenge is in my family life, my work life, my health, a friendship, or in any other part of my life, I do not need to navigate the challenge alone.
And neither do you.
We are all far more connected than we tend to remember. If you are anything like me, you might sometimes even take pride in your independence. After all, particularly in our western culture, independence is part of our cultural ethos. But independence is a myth. So is the painful message that we need to figure anything out alone.
We are all far more connected than we tend to remember. If you are anything like me, you might sometimes even take pride in your independence. After all, particularly in our western culture, independence is part of our cultural ethos. But independence is a myth. So is the painful message that we need to figure anything out alone.
Where today might it resource you in your work or life to remember that you are not alone? Where is a friend, co-founder, team, or advisor willing to dive into the challenge with you the second you pick up the phone and let them in?
Remember, particularly for us leaders, companies are about bringing people together around a shared mission. A shared mission. Plus, you can share more than the mission. You can share the ten thousand challenges you will face along the way.
If you let people in.
What question or challenge do you feel alone in today? What happens for you when you replace ‘I’ with ‘we’? Who is waiting to be your ‘we’?
If you cannot think of anyone, drop me a line. I’ll happily be your ‘we.’
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With love from LA,
Matt
Looking for some support? If now is the time to consider coaching (or a CEO peer circle) reach out here.
